Rediscovering My Early Spiritual Influences

I can still remember being around 13 years old, exploring my school library when a particular book caught my eye: The Third Eye by Lobsang Rampa. This book marked the beginning of an incredible journey for me. Until I was 16, I immersed myself in his works, including The Saffron Robe and You Forever. These books led me to fascinating experiences—some wonderful and others challenging.

During this period, I meditated for hours every day, occasionally experiencing some of the best meditations of my life. I even attempted a strict vegan lifestyle, although it didn’t quite work out as planned. Alongside Rampa’s writings, I started exploring the works of Paulo Coelho. Despite the relentless criticism faced by both authors, I found immense inspiration in their teachings, which guided me through a formative period of my life.

However, my mother, a devout Catholic, was uneasy about my growing interest in these spiritual works. She believed that before I could truly explore my own path, I should first fully understand and embrace our family’s faith. And so, I delved deeply into Catholicism: completing my first communion, becoming a junior altar server (a "capinha"), and getting involved with the missionaries of Saint Francis of Assisi. At one point, my commitment was so strong that I nearly became a nun. My mother was incredibly proud, often sharing her own unfulfilled wish to become a nun—a moment when I felt I was living out her dreams rather than fully pursuing my own.

One vivid memory from this time was staying in a convent during a mission. After days of missionary work, I was woken in the middle of the night by my fellow nuns, who serenaded me with singing and guitar as a surprise for my birthday. They also gifted me a small medal of Saint Padre Pio, which I later gave to my mother.

Despite my deep connection with Catholicism, the works of Rampa and Coelho continued to resonate with me. Critics may label Rampa a charlatan or question Coelho’s authenticity for writing about experiences he hadn’t personally lived, but their works provided me with unique perspectives and a sense of wonder that I still cherish.

Looking back, I see how these diverse influences—my spiritual explorations with Rampa and Coelho and my immersion in Catholicism—shaped who I am today. They offered me different lenses through which to view the world, contributing significantly to my growth and self-discovery. For that, I am profoundly grateful.